by Claire | Sep 6, 2007 | Uncategorized
June, 05
Mingtang has been talking about needing to go to Alaska for years. His teacher has told him that there are eight places in the world that hold the same teaching. Shaolin is one. Of the other seven places, Mingtang was only able to remember Tibet, Alaska and French-Swiss Alps. So when he said we are going to Denali (Mt. McKinley), I was ecstatic. Several people wanted to go but one by one, they dropped out. By the end, it was just Mingtang and I. Many people asked me, what are you going to do up there? I said, I don’t know. In fact, I don’t have the slightest idea what crazy wild things could happen to Mingtang, and if I would be able to feel anything at all.
The first three days got harder and harder. Later I realized that it was like waking up layers of numbness, the tingling sensation was unbearable and irritating. But during the three days I wondered many times why I volunteered to come, why I am here at all, and what I am suppose to be doing.
The days felt much colder than Anchorage, on which we based our packing. And the nights were freezing. I caught a cold the very first day, and my menstrual cycle had to start, too. I piled up both sleeping bags, and my nose froze when it was outside. Curling up in a tight ball, I fantasized about stretching out on the grass under the sun back in Seattle. It rained day and night. There were even thunders one night. I was trapped, bundled up in our tiny RV truck.
Mingtang spent most of the time in the cab. I was left alone. I fidgeted around for most of the days before settling into reading, with all my layers, hats and two sleeping bags wrapped around. Of course it was impossible to get comfortable enough to meditate.
The fourth day I woke up kicking sleeping bags off of me. I walked out of the RV and was dumbstruck. Not only was it not raining, there was not a single cloud overhead. Along the horizon, there were an edge of white fluff, like ruffles. We took a couple of long bus rides and saw many kinds of wild animals including seven bears within feet. The old majestic—Denali was clearly in view. Every worker there commented on how abnormal this clear weather is for this area, and how rare the mountain showed itself so completely.
For the next three days, the sun remained out. It not only warmed my physical body, something else melted in me and around me. How do I describe it? I woke up. I heard myself. I heard my soul speaking to the rest of me. I was being with ME. For hours and hours I was simply being. There was no anxiousness about time, about being here or about being alone. That lonely feeling I got often when I was in the city alone in my house, it never rose.
I was moment by moment, constantly and always fascinated by ME, hearing ME. It was a most content feeling that I don’t remember ever experiencing. I inhabited every cell of my physical being, without effort. I constantly felt qi flowing, easily and deliciously. My mind acted the most strangely—it was not busy. It did not have seven continuous thoughts weaving and wondering. It was at ease, too, more like a sparingly decorated blue sky—thoughts were weightless, and they drifted in and out like ethereal clouds. They didn’t hold on to me.
For the first time I physically felt my heart easing. I didn’t know that for the most of the time my heart was actually tense and lifted until it dropped into its place, its casing, its home. I never knew before this physical experience that the Chinese saying “to lay down one’s heart” is not just psychological. When this happened, my spirit thanked me. And I drifted into meditation, time and time again, without intentionally doing so. My entire being came into the meditative state in the middle of reading a sentence, in the middle of thinking a thought, and in the middle of writing a word.
While this complete easement was happening to me, Mingtang got the direct transmission he came here for, during the night of the thunder. By the sixth day, his mission at Denali was complete and was ready to move onto the next place by the sea. I did not want to pick up and go. There was no desire to do, only be. My soul, my whole being wanted to remain in this place, a place that enabled all the space for my soul to roam free, for ME to feel the most freedom I have ever felt being in my body.
Driving back to Anchorage, both Mingtang and I felt the surround air thickening, vibrating faster, and more chaotically, the noise increasing to eventual grating and deafening level for the tender soul. Layer by layer, my qi field and my body numbed, until an hour north of the city, I could no longer hear or feel ME. Sadness felt numb, too, and it turned into a low level, constant aggravation. I wish we could turn back. But Mingtang needed to continue his mission by the sea.
Mingtang completed his direct transmission from the lineage after our trip around the Turnagen Arms. He learned that in order to heal human beings, we must know the ocean lives. Our bodies are like the earth, seventy percent of it being water. Most diseases are caused by micro-lives in the water. To be a shaman as the very first shaman—the medicine man, one not only need to be connected by the animal and plant spirits to go into the underworld, one must also know the essence of the lives in the ocean in order to heal. He now has tremendous amount of material downloaded and need to be digested during meditation. Shaolin will serve just that purpose. I am sure Mingtang will bring much teaching next year to us on healing.
Before the Alaska trip I was feeling anxious about my next planned trip to Tibet. It’s not a tourist trip. I turned down several people who wanted to go with me. I plan to spend much time in silence, alone, meditating, being open and listening. I didn’t know if I could do as I planned. I thought I could easily disappoint myself by distractions such as talking to other tourists, or socializing with the monks and pilgrims. I had already asked Mingtang several times whether he thought I was ready for this lone, four-months meditation trip. He said yes, I will get what I need, and this is the time for my spiritual pilgrimage.
I did not trust myself until my Denali experience. Now I know I am ready. I cannot wait to be with myself again, completely open and available, in the present moment, giving my soul all the space to roam and be free with all of me. Writing and talking about this experience brings me briefly into a similar though not as deep state of awareness, of connection with the deep inside ME. It still feels delicious, and my heart quivers with delight. It brings joyous tears into my eyes. I am grateful.
by Claire | Sep 6, 2007 | Uncategorized
June, 05
I found the on/off switch to the bliss in meditation. I am not joking. I have been meditating for six years now. Lots of you probably could relate to my progression: at the beginning, more than five minutes of meditation used to be aggravating for me; then, more than fifteen minutes of fantasizing/meditating used to get boring; later more than half an hours of sitting used to hurt my bottom…
I kept on meditating because in general, it made my life more functional. I felt better afterward. People around me benefited from my meditating. More importantly though, there were these mystery moments of vibration, of presence, of life, of bliss, of deliciousness that fascinate me, and I kept on wanting to be in that moment again. These moments used to be so rare and unpredictable that it may only happened once or twice a year.
I have tried my best to describe to my students how they may get there in Big Tree standing meditation practice and other sitting practices (see Relaxing the Mind through the Body). But this time at the Memorial Weekend Retreat with Mingtang, I literally found the switch! You relax one muscle in the body and boom! As if a whole body orgasm is gradually building and moving through my body.
Now I am sure you’d like to know what muscle that is. Remember how there is a saying that sexual excitement is all in your mind? Well, this is not only true for our sexual energy, since our sexual energy is an intrinsic part of our vital energy system. There is a Chinese saying, “Letting go the control of your spirit through your mind, your energy flow naturally.” It’s impossible to control our mind so it stops thinking. Thinking is what our mind does naturally. We can never altogether stop thinking. But there are ways to relax, slow down and calm our mind so the pause between thoughts gradually becomes longer.
Our mind also directly feed into how we experience our chronic physical discomforts and pain. I came to this realization during the Big Tree standing meditation last year. I became aware that when the muscles on top of my head are tense, the physical pain feels louder, unbearable like deep suffering. And as soon as I relax the muscles, the pain level instantly lessens to bearable. Then I can feel qi flowing through the problem area. If I continue to relax my mind and relax the area, the pain gradually lessens as more qi pushes the blockages open. After meditation, the area feels much better than before. It is healing.
At the retreat during sitting meditation, I discovered the next layer of muscles to relax. They are on my face, around my temples and especially in between my eyebrows—the muscles that indicate intense pondering and deep suffering. At first I had to fake a big smile in order to stretch the muscle out. Then eventually the fake smile relaxes into a real, whole-hearted smile. It takes a certain trust and surrender to smile genuinely at nothing particular, at the present moment. And it’s not an easy place to remain. I had to constant go through the process to come back to the relaxation of this muscle.
Without a doubt with Mingtang’s strong boost of qi, I was able to stay in the deliciousness. He flooded our bodies with so much fog qi that our mind instantly quieted without a chance to argue and waver. A teacher can focus the collective group energy and channel direct transmission from the lineage into the collective field.
My qi first rose powerfully from the perineum up the Central Channel to my upper dantian and Baihui point. Then the qi pushed its way from the tip of the tailbone up the spine, through blockages in between the shoulder blades, the neck and back of the head, to the top of the head. When I practiced on my own, it was not as powerful but the qi always flow to blocked areas in the pelvis, in the knee, going down the ankles to the tip of the channels in the toes. It always pushed through the stuck shoulders to elbows and wrist and to the tip of the fingers. After practice, my entire body alignment shifts.
I was able to stay in the state of deliciousness long enough that my energy calmed, and my entire being entered into the pause state several times, which I could not yet replicate to the depth and length on my own. But once I have physically experienced a state, it is possible for me to get there again and again on my own. It’s a physical memory like riding a bike that you never forget. This is true with all qigong practice, once you experience a state, you won’t lose it even after many years.
Conceptually to explain what I mean by “deliciousness,” if the lower dantian was the interpreter for the mind, it calls it delicious, like taking in the most wonderful food, the finest chocolate. If the middle dantian was the interpreter, it feels like the most warm and fuzzy sensation, like love. The upper dantian sees a white light, clear and translucent, like luminescent clarity and wisdom. The deliciousness moves like a fog, light and ethereal. So any tenseness in the muscle or activity in the mind blows it into nothingness. But when the smile is big, the mind has no power to be active, the muscle naturally relaxes, and the fog moves to areas need to be healed.
After the retreat, I had a continuing experience of loosening the muscles of the mind, and allowing the body to feel its innate pleasure, the natural internal massage. At first the mind as if scolds the body for having such “sinful” feelings. The minds judges that to feel this way in broad daylight alone must be wrong. Then when I realized there is nothing to be ashamed of being delicious, that the sexual energy is as natural as our energy to run and to jump.
The mind then pulled out its next trick, moving into the future, “You must always be prepared, meaning be in the tense state at all times for the inevitable bad thing to happen, like running for your life or dealing with an accident.” The mind got laughed at right away for worrying about something it can do nothing about. The body can react much faster if it’s in a relaxed alert state, like a cat. The mind doesn’t have to be constantly active to keep one safe. In fact, it’s our connection with our body, our gut, and our gut instinct that keep us out of unnecessary trouble.
Convincing the mind to let go of control cannot be done through rationalization alone. Each and every part of the body needs to learn how it feels to relax. It’s a doing process. When our body is relaxed and comfortable, the muscles on our head and face can release. Then qi flows freely, and we enter into the delicious state naturally. Of course this is only a state of being in the process. So we cannot be attached to it. When we try too hard, we cannot relax our mind. So it’s actually about letting go, not trying, releasing into the next natural state of being. That’s why our attention is always seemingly there, seemingly not, next concentrated or focused. It’s a paradox for the mind, but not for the body.
The letting go, the releasing, and the relaxing of this muscle opens me physically, energetically and spiritually. It opens my gate of trust to the universe, so the exchange of energy and information can begin, so natural healing can begin. I suppose when I can sustain this letting go state, I would be most present, in the moment, spontaneous, creative, open, and connected to all. Eventually the smile is not needed. Then I would be able to sustain this relaxed state even in crisis. I would trust and enjoy each moment, life’s perfection unfolding. I would be in perfect unison with the flow of life, which to some would be the enlightened state. I laugh out loud from this realization. Human has been designed so perfectly that the purest pleasure is also the most effective healing, and is the most pragmatic path to enlightenment.
by Claire | Sep 6, 2007 | Uncategorized
The Past I do not have.
The Future I do not own.
All I have is Now.
All there is is what I am creating Now.
All I am is the “I” in the Now.
See, feel, accept, bless, release, let.
Trust. Truth. Will (Courage). Love (Compassion). Peace (Being).
Dear friends,
Through my months of solitary inner observation, I went through layer after layer of complexity that my ego has created. In the end, I saw the essence of me. I feel the same reflection from within to without—my inner essence is the same as the essence of life, so simple, so beautiful, so easy, yet the most difficult to get to. It took myself choosing to take away all life’s distractions: all other people, all activities, including eating and drinking (no food for twenty eight days, and water for eight of those days).
Then nature took me over. Energy took me over. Spirit took me over. The practice practiced me. Life coursed through me… I was, simply being in the bliss that is now.
Life is simple now. All fits in these simplest of simple notions. Practice is simple, just being. And the steps to bring one into the now is natural. Each and every moment in life becomes a practice of presence, in our body, in our heart, in our whole being.
I can share the concrete steps to being present with you:
Relax completely;
Breathe thoroughly;
Smile
You are present.
Repeat when needed.
Never give up the process.
Easy, isn’t it? Yet you find yourself drifting into your head, into your thoughts of past and future often? Come and practice with me. Let your body feel what it is to completely relax. Let your mind feel what it is like to be calm. Let your being feel what it is like to be breathed like a puff of smoke. Let your spirit and heart and whole self feel what it is like to smile.
Join me for a weekend retreat at the remote and gorgeous Breitenbush Hot Springs. Once you have experienced the state in your whole being, it is easy to replicate.
by Claire | Sep 6, 2007 | Uncategorized
It’s Monday after a weekend retreat at Breitenbush which thirty-five people attended. The whole day, there was a part of me that wanted to write down this most amazing experience I had while teaching this retreat, but I felt out of sort and could not quite capture the phenomenal feeling.
Finally after my Monday night class, I got what was bugging me. The experience was so incredible that my ego wanted to hold onto it. But the more I wanted to define this experience by my mind, the more it was slipping through my fingers. I was losing the feeling I sustained all through the weekend. I felt frustrated.
Then all of a sudden, a wave of thankfulness opened my heart that was gripping. I was presented a gift—the gift of emptiness. I am so deeply grateful for letting it happen through me.
Being in the role of the teacher for thirty-five widely diverse and unique souls, I was “forced” into the most neutral place I could possibly hold through every moment of the weekend. I became an empty space, resonating for the thirty-five collective souls. When one needed resonating, I became the empty space for that one soul. I held an empty space of openness, relaxedness and calmness with no judgments, no preference, no personal agenda, no personality, no pre-conceived notions… Every time before I spoke, I came into this space of emptiness. The information that came through was always most simple so that all could resonate with. Each moment, I continued to practice letting go of pre-conceived ideas of what should be taught, and simply accessed what was present in that moment of time and space for the collective.
I was given the gift of no ego (the closest I have yet experience among people) in a prolonged period—the lightest, most effortless and open feeling. I am thankful to Mingtang, thankful to the path, the lineage. I am thankful to the Oneness. And I am thankful to all thirty-five of you. All aspects are intrinsic in giving me this profound experience. I am blessed and humbled.
If you would like to bring your deep practice experiences and realizations into your daily life, don’t try to hold on to it. Each and every moment, practice releasing your thoughts of the past and future, letting your mind relax into your body and become one with the body. Relax and release any holding. Breathe and let vital energy come in to open up old patterns. Smile and trust that you are okay as you leave comfort zone into new terrain. Experience your life fully in your oneness each moment. And when the moment rises when you are moved to share, your sense of emptiness may become fuller.
Qigong is the perfect practice to look within, feel and know what are the old patterns of fear on the cellular level that’s been holding us back from changing, from opening, from healing, from growing. Vital energy naturally follows this new awareness, changing closed cells into open cells, waking up organs that are asleep. We become more and more open and connected to the universal energetic matrix.
ZYQ have a series of weekend intensives coming up, which allows us to go deeper into our practice, so we have more resources to come into realization of old patterns, and give our body and mind the time and space to effectively release and become open. These long workshops are great for people who are ready to make true change in their lives. So give yourself the time and space.
by Claire | Sep 6, 2007 | Uncategorized
Feb. 06
To use physics terms as a metaphor about qigong, our five senses are oriented toward the outside, in receiving and interpreting the external stimuli with internal information from our past experiences and knowledge. These five senses interprets information based on Newtonian physics—that the world is solid, is material in specific states. When we practice meditation, we turn our five senses inward. All external stimuli are gradually severed and our mind becomes quieter and calmer. Our sense become more refined and broader. So-called extra senses emerge. These finer sense have always been there but only dulled by external and mental static and noise. It is as if these extra broad spectrum of senses begin to see, feel, taste, smell and hear into deeper and broader levels of reality, material is not just matter anymore, but energy and information. Perspective broadens into the sub-atomic level, where reality is not a state but all possibilities co-exist. The deeper and longer one remains in this level of reality, the quantum physic level of reality, spontaneous change happens—changes that should not be possible in the Newtonian matter state. The deeper one’s awareness, the greater the change can happen.
With recent scientific discoveries, we know that our mind does not know the difference between a current image or a memory. External input being received by our five senses are being interpreted by past memories therefore different people can have entirely different account of the same event. The same event can make one happy while making another sad. Our experience and our emotions are just as strongly influenced by who we are within than what is happening to us. Therefore we are co-creators of our reality. The content and the context mutually affect and form each other.
The book “Power v Force” tells us that 90% of human beings still believe that their life is made solely by the external circumstances, and to go from this powerless state onto the self-empowered state beyond the two hundred line (see the Map of Consciousness) is one of the most difficult jump for people. Each step relate to the next by exponential.
We know that dense matter attract other dense matter. Fear, closed-ness is dense compared to love and openness. Allowing one fear to manifest attracts other fears exponentially, like a speeding downward spiral. Therefore between the closed state of powerlessness to the open state of self empowerment, many people fluctuate between the two from day to day, from moment to moment. That’s why people would oscillate between practice and not practice even though they have experienced spontaneous change in their body, their mind and their experience of life.
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